


The Heart Wants

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Avengers (2012), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Cheating, Established Relationship, Infidelity, M/M, Mending Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for avengerkink on lj for a prompt asking for infidelity with Steve cheating on Tony with Bucky, and then regretting it when Tony finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heart Wants

Steve was in love with Bucky since he was thirteen years old. Nothing compared to losing him.

People assumed it was losing so many years in the ice, returning to a world where his friends are all gone and everything has changed, is the reason Steve was struggling. The truth was, even years after he woke up, it still felt like he lost Bucky just yesterday.

He tried to move on. He joined the Avengers and cared about something again. He served a purpose again. 

And he made friends again (and some secret horrible part of him made a special effort to befriend Thor and Bruce because there was a chance he wouldn't have to outlive them). And when he started dating Tony, when he found another man he wanted to share his life with, he actually had hope. He didn't tell Tony (wouldn't want to give him a big head), but he felt grateful to Tony. And actually happy. He didn't think he could feel that way again.

Of course, when everything started to feel like it was fitting into place, that's exactly when everything went to hell.

\--

Bucky shows up, alive and confused and possibly not the man he used to be, the man Steve once knew better than anyone. They fight, but soon Steve has the man pinned down. 

They stare at each other for a moment. “Steve?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah. It’s me, Buck.”

Bucky leans up and kisses him. 

It’s wrong. Steve knows it’s wrong, and he’s never done anything this wrong with full knowledge of exactly how horrible it is. 

He kisses back.

Lips. Hands. Steve kissing a line down Bucky’s neck. Bucky moans exactly the way he used to and Steve takes it as a sign that this really is Bucky after all. 

Soon Bucky’s hands are under his shirt, they are frantic to be closer, skin to skin, and it is _wrongwrongwrong_ but Bucky tastes like sweetness and smoke, he tastes like home, and Steve can’t stop. 

When they are done, Steve smiles at him, sadly, guiltily. 

Bucky lands a hard punch on Steve’s face and escapes out the window.

\--

Steve comes back and makes up a story about what happened with Bucky. SHIELD explains to him that Bucky has declared war on SHIELD, that Steve was wrong to think that Bucky was his old friend, that he could be saved.

Steve just nods guiltily.

When they’re alone, Steve tells Tony what happened. He really, really wishes that he were the kind of guy who could keep a lie going, but he isn’t. Not with Tony. 

Tony has never been in a real relationship with anyone but Pepper, and Pepper never cheated. Tony has no idea how to deal with being betrayed by someone he loves, with the exception of Stane, and Tony explains this to Steve (who winces at the comparison). He says that he doesn’t want to talk to Steve right now and then he goes to his lab.

Steve tries to give him some space, but Tony doesn’t come out of the lab for five days. JARVIS won’t let him know what’s going on, and Steve thinks that JARVIS must know what he did because the AI seems unusually snippy toward him.

Finally, he breaks down some walls (Tony never realized he might want to Steve-proof them), and shows up to talk to Tony. 

“We have to talk, Tony. Even it’s to say you don’t want to be with me,” Steve says, voice rasped.

“I don’t have time to worry about whether we’re breaking up, Steve. I have important work to do.”

Steve spends three hours trying to get Tony to talk about _anything,_ but Tony has shut down or shut him out and won’t talk about anything but how important his next project is and that Steve needs to leave him alone.

Steve leaves the lab and moves out of the tower. 

\--

Steve and Tony are still able to work together on the team. They are both masters of denial and compartmentalization, and it serves them well.

Steve doesn’t see the other Avengers except on the job, and no one brings up personal issues when they’re fighting aliens. Except for Clint, but his comments are usually general sarcasm rather than prying questions.

One day, three months after he destroyed what he and Tony had, he overhears Bruce gossiping with Thor and he realizes that everyone thinks that Tony’s selfish behavior drove him away.

He calls a meeting and announces that he and Tony broke up because he cheated on Tony with a man intent on killing them.

He stands there, ashamed.

Tony is standing in the door. “You really have no sense of discretion, do you?” he asks, more mockery than venom.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, “I thought – people thought that you….”

“I don’t give a shit what they think,” Tony said.

“Sorry, Tony,” Bruce said anyway, “For assuming.” The others apologized as well.

Tony just kept staring at Steve. Finally he sighed, gestured toward the elevator, and said, “Fine, Cap. Let’s talk.”

\--

When Tony says that he is willing to try again if Steve will go to couples therapy with him, Steve is ecstatic.

“Hold on,” Tony adds. “I want to get over it. I really, really want to. But that doesn’t mean that I can. We might try again and maybe I decide later that I just can’t do it.”

“If you would give me another chance, if you’re even willing to try to forgive me, that’s more than I could ask for.”

“If Bucky were here, if he weren’t the enemy, would you want to be with him?”

“No. I want to be with you.”

“If you weren’t with me, if you were single, would you want to be with him?”

Steve pauses. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Tony sighs. “I guess we’ll talk about it at therapy. By the way, I hope you realize that I fucking hate therapists.”

Steve smiles and leans in for a kiss.

Tony turns his head away. “Not yet.”

\--

Steve and Tony take their time to work their way back to each other. Tony is up front that he’s not good at trust and he needs to know that he’s not a fool to trust Steve again. Steve does everything he can to make Tony know it.

A few months later, they feel almost like they used to.

They meet Bucky in a confrontation, and Steve has the chance to bring him down. Instead, he tries to talk to Bucky to get him to turn himself in.

Of course, Bucky escapes. 

SHIELD isn’t happy, but isn’t surprised that Steve tried to save his old friend. Coulson even had a form drawn up in case it happened. 

Tony doesn’t say a word to him all day.

At night, Steve tries to explain. “It’s not that I want him. I just think he can still be saved. I can’t desert a friend.”

“But you could cheat on a friend.”

Steve says nothing, has nothing he can offer.

Tony just nods. He is trying to understand. “Fine. You would do the same for any friend. I know that about you, Steve, I do. It just hurts more because it’s him.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Steve hears himself, and hates himself, hates how cowardly he sounds, how he’s making excuses when a better man might tell Tony that he deserves to be with someone who would never, ever cheat.

“I know,” Tony says. “I get it. I’m not going to ask you to stop trying to save Bucky. But you need to understand that no one in SHIELD is going to be on that program.” 

“Thank you,” Steve says, leaning in for a tight embrace. Tony slowly hugs him back. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Steve adds, and Tony lets out a sad little laugh; everyone in the world thought the opposite.

\--

When they finally take down Bucky, it’s Iron Man who does it. A direct blast, and it doesn’t kill Bucky but it leaves him comatose in the hospital. Natasha and Coulson both give Tony a look when they get back, but Steve says nothing, tries his best to show no emotion. 

Weeks later, Bucky is doing better, taking physical therapy, and working with psychologists to fill out the gaps of his memory again. It becomes clear to everyone who talks to him that he is not the Winter Soldier any more.

He meets the team members, and they are interested to meet Steve’s old friend. Nobody mentions what they know.

Tony shakes his hand and then abruptly finds an excuse to leave.

Steve tells Bucky that he has to go (and it _pains_ him to say it). When Bucky reaches out to hug him, he gives Bucky a handshake instead, and runs after Tony.

“You don’t have to come home right now,” Tony says casually.

“I want to.”

Tony pauses, then reaches out and holds Steve’s hand as they walk.

\--

They make love slowly, cautiously, on silk sheets. They are naked, face to face, and they won’t take their eyes off each other, almost a contest of devotion. 

When they are done, when their sweat still glistens on their skin and Tony is still breathing hard, Tony looks over and asks him, “Do you still love Bucky?”

“I love _you_ ,” Steve says, and it’s the truth.

But Tony notices that it’s not a straight no. He asks, “Do you love Bucky too?” 

“I want to be with you, Tony. I want to make this work.”

Tony looks back up at the ceiling.

Steve leans closer, runs his hand up Tony’s chest. “I will never cheat on you again. I will never leave you for anyone else. You have my word, Tony.”

Tony looks back at him. He nods, frowns. “I guess that’s going to have to be good enough.”


End file.
